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The Phenomenal Value of Becoming Part of the Wedding
By Ethan G. Salwen
"Why don't you take a stroll over there alone and enjoy being married," I suggested to a bride
and groom shortly after their wedding ceremony. We were making our way to the reception, surrounded
by a gaggle of family members and friends. They both smiled at me and quietly slipped away. As
the couple walked off, I turned my attention to running interference for them by photographing
candids of the wedding party, helping the newlyweds enjoy a moment of peace.
A Wedding Photography Service Unlike Any Other
My impromptu suggestion was born from the simple fact that in our friendly pre-planning meetings
and after photographing practically every one of their movements since eight that morning, I had
come to feel a genuine closeness to these people. I knew their hectic day would go long into the
night and I wanted them to have a chance to quietly relish being married. After the honeymoon,
the bride thanked me for what she said was one of the most special moments of the day.
This type of action on my part is an example of what I consider being an active part of a wedding,
and not just photographing it as an invisible, anonymous spectator. Being part of the weddings
I photograph is the most valuable aspect of my wedding photography services. I know full well
that there are countless wedding photographers far more capable than I am at creating excellent,
stylized wedding imagery; however, I have come to see that my ability to become a valued part
of wedding celebrations is a distinct commodity.
When I set out to photograph weddings a few years back, I knew that I would have to sell my
personality to compensate for lack of wedding experience. However, I had no idea that I could
spread (and experience) so much joy by actively seeking ways to participate in the weddings I
would record. While easy, becoming a part of a wedding requires subtle and flexible people
skills--most notably the ability to alternate between being softly supportive and outright
gregarious.
Being Part of a Wedding in Action
I have performed many different, non-photographer roles in every wedding I have photographed. It
all depends on the unique personalities of the bride as well as the distinct spirit of the wedding.
Without fail, I always end up out on the dance floor, twirling and spinning among the guests,
their smiles of amusement filling my frame as they stare at the wacky, friendly, paparazzi-like
wedding photographer.
Besides my guaranteed visit to the dance floor, anything goes. Before wedding ceremonies, I take
a few minutes to set up chairs, spread rose petals and help caterers carry food. These kinds
of simple tasks greatly ease a couple's last-minute anxiety by providing an extra--and completely
unexpected--set of helping hands. More importantly, it gains their trust and helps to quickly
build a comfortable relationship that manifests itself in relaxed expressions of the couple in
my images. By the time the actual ceremony begins, I've pushed this bond of comfort and trust to
the point where I am able to photograph within a few feet of the couple without disturbing them.
And that's exactly the very close, very personal shooting style I prefer.
When photographing for the entire day, it's always possible to make time to do a mini-photo
shoot with the children, which pleases the parents and makes me somewhat of a temporary
babysitter. Brides and grooms quickly become comfortable calling me over to take on-request
group shots of every nature, which I do with boisterous joking or quick stealth, depending on
the mood of the event.
The list of examples of how I have participated in weddings goes on and on--from joking with
guests (who are often a little perplexed by the fact that I'm not a close friend of the couple)
to fetching a glass of water for one exhausted bride who looked like she was about to pass out.
(Talk about making someone happy). One time I found myself giving a confidence boost to a nervous
best man before his speech.
All of this is not to say that I avoid my photographic responsibilities. I run around like a
complete madman--doing my best to appear calm--making more than a thousand exposures to ensure
that I get all the key shots. But part of my photographic process is to search for ways to be
a part of the action, and not just record it.
This approach to photographing a wedding is utterly exhausting, but I wouldn't do it any other
way. As the day wears on and the couple and their guests come to realize that I'm not the average
wedding photographer, my reward is in the beaming smiles I receive with increasing frequency.
Strategies for Successfully Joining the Wedding
• Be completely, utterly yourself. My approach to wedding photography comes from a
mixture of how I operate as a documentary travel photographer and my nature as a person. I
like being part of the wedding. You can't fake this kind of service. However, you
certainly can give yourself permission to more openly share your unique personality.
• Get to know the couple. When I meet with couples before the wedding I ask them a lot
about themselves. I focus on learning about them as people in order to begin cultivating the
personal bond that is essential for participating appropriately in each wedding.
• Give the couple a clear idea about your style without intimidating them. When
meeting, I explain how I approach shooting weddings, and I make sure to give simple examples of
how I having participated in other weddings--without actually calling it participation. I don't
want to make them nervous. When it comes to participating in a wedding, showing is better than
telling. (See next strategy.)
• Start out quiet, then steadily pick up speed. While photographing a Russian wedding,
sometime after midnight I found myself belting back shots of vodka to toasts from the manic
crowd. Now that's participating! However, early that morning, I was moving around very quietly,
very softly, conscientious of every loud click my shutter made as the bride prepared. In the 15
hours between my cautious, respectful approach at the beginning of the day and my
no-holds-barred vodka drinking at the end, I had forged a bond with the couple to the point
that participating had become as natural as drinking vodka with the guests!
Success Is in the Gratitude
After their weddings, each and every one of my clients has absolutely raved about how happy
they were with my great photography--without having seen so much as a single image! At first
this made me laugh. How would they know? But then I realized that this was actually their
way of thanking me for adding an unexpected element of pleasure to their wedding. The deep
gratitude my clients express along with the closeness we feel for each other after the
weddings has strengthened my firm belief that photographers have an amazing opportunity
to give wedding couples much more than beautiful images. We simply have to be willing to
find a way to become a part of the events that we are hired to document.
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